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This Christmas morning, are you worried about selecting quite the right gift for that someone special? I always try, but everywhere I turn the suggestions flood in with impractical ideas. No, I don’t want a scented wax with a poultry aroma, for the simple reason we’ll be cooking the bird itself. I also don't need a dawn-simulating clock, because I can leave the curtains open works just fine. And I definitely don’t want a facial mask containing fish-derived collagen, as said DNA comes from milt. Were I seeking fish sperm on my face, I'd simply go fishing.

Seeking Inspiration From the Natural World

Therefore, if you’re always looking for gift ideas, my advice is: take a lesson from wildlife. Humans didn’t invent gifting. The practice has been around for at least 100 million years, long before humans appeared. Aided from natural selection, wild animals have had creatures ample time to master gift-giving. Indeed, certain arachnids even gift-wrap their offerings!

Leaving out exercise-related items and other products I don’t like, there are five categories of Christmas gift: food, homeware, jewelry, skincare and apparel. Nature's creatures has them all covered.

Culinary Presents: From Protein Snacks to Artisan Kebabs

Brazilian cuckoos offer their mates nutritious morsels including insects, frogs and lizards. However, for those who like their meat skewered, then look to the butcher bird, also known as Lanius excubitor. The males spear their catch, such as bugs and rodents, onto pointed thorns and twigs crafting artisan kebabs.

Certain insects gift their beaus salivary offerings, but these aren’t just any spitballs. These represent the nuptial gifts of scorpionflies, created from the freshest saliva sourced from swollen salivary glands of only the fittest males. This offering is packed with nutrients, which is one reason females prefer males with larger gifts.

An additional factor involves the most genetically robust males make the biggest spitballs. By "fit" I am not referring to physical appearance, though that may be true. I mean “fit” in the genetic sense.

The gifts are given as a prelude to sex, so by choosing the male with the largest gift, the female is choosing superior genes. She then consumes the delicacy while mating but terminates intercourse as soon as it’s all gone. Bigger spitballs result in extended mating sessions, during which the male transfers additional sperm and the female is unable to mate with anyone else. This explains why he bothers with such an elaborate offering.

Homeware and Shiny Objects

Adélie penguins do not offer food, but they do present nesting materials. On the icy continent, where they live, there is no a hardware shop, so the penguins must source their gifts from the local landscape. Every mating season, the males gather pebbles and start making their nest. These crucial components are rare, leading some chancers to steal pebbles from their neighbours. However, when a male gives a pebble to a female, it is a sign his readiness for commitment. Think of it as the avian version of an engagement ring. The rock is not worn, however. If she wants to get serious, she accepts the gift and places it into the nest. Subsequently, after a few final adjustments, they are ready to raise a family.

Regarding shiny things, crows excel in this department. There are many accounts exist of individuals who made friends with wild crows and later received metal caps, screws, buttons and various glittering objects. For instance, two people in Florida were once given a bracelet with a diamond by a crow they often fed. This is especially charming because while many creatures offer gifts hoping for mating opportunities, crows apparently give simply for the joy of it.

The Pinnacle of Combination Gift: Sponges

Off the coast of Australia, dolphins have been spotted plucking clumps of marine sponge from the ocean floor and utilizing them in interesting ways. On occasion, when they’re rummaging for fish, they wear the sponges over their rostrum to shield their skin. And sometimes, when males want to woo females, they wear them as playful headwear before offering them as gifts.

By doing this, dolphins ingeniously merge the last two categories of Christmas gift. Marine sponges serve as attire and skin protection. And if that’s not enough, when males give their sponge gifts, they often strike a curved posture and play a whistling sound through their blowhole.

This is not the lackluster presents from pets – like a cat presenting a dead mouse in a hidden spot – or certain individuals. Dolphin presents are considerate, multipurpose, ethically gathered and delivered with panache. There is a lesson for all of us. A popular song claims that the only desire for Christmas “is you”, however, my single holiday wish, is to be given a sponge-based headwear and skin guard from a cetacean who serenades me in a stylish manner.